儒家之婚姻觀

The Marriage Viewpoint of the Confucian School

10.30091/JCDNCHU.200706.0004

劉錦賢(Chin-Hsien Liu)

儒家 ； 婚姻 ； 夫婦 ； 倫理 ； 順從 ； The Confucian school ； marriage ； husband and wife ； ethics ； obedience

興大中文學報

21期（2007 / 06 / 01）

83 - 120

繁體中文

儒家所謂五倫，夫婦居中，而為其他各倫之基礎。夫婦一倫之成立，由於婚姻。娶妻之目的，在求得賢助，以盡孝道，並繁衍子孫。婚姻之正常與否，影響到家族與社會秩序之穩定，故儒家特重婚禮，對於婚禮必按照既定之程序謹慎進行。然新婦是否歸屬夫家，端視是否廟見舅姑；知夫婦名分之確定，外在之形式條件重於二人實際之結合。 夫婦各繫屬於其婚配之對象，而斷絕婚外之私情，乃男女雙方對婚姻應有之態度，故一夫一妻制為儒家理想之婚姻型態。同姓不婚，恐其不利於本身及後嗣；婚配求諸異姓，方能相濟而相成。在家族中，嫂與叔乃無血緣關係之平輩，為防止彼此間因親近而互相褻瀆，乃有嫂叔不相通問之規定，以貫徹夫婦各有別屬之倫序。 男性較女性為能承擔大任，故在家中男為主而女為從。夫婦二人須各居正位而不逾越。就丈夫言，須戒絕對女色之非分貪求，正其身以為家人之楷模。就婦人言，須對丈夫忠貞，對舅姑恭順。夫婦之倫理經秦漢法制化後，對婦人之要求較丈夫為嚴格。蓋婦人以貞順為德，乃歷來儒家之共識；及宋明新儒家興，仍視之為當然。 擁有完美之婚姻，乃眾人共同之願望。然而夫妻由於年齡、個性與教養之差異等因素，或為佳偶以終其身，或成怨偶而致離散。知婚姻生活充滿變數，非婚前所能逆料，可謂有命存焉，吾人只能盡其在我。惟有經歷婚姻養育子女之階段，吾人生命之內容乃見豐富而多樣。只要以敬自持，誠心相待，相信婚姻過程中之種種曲折，終將歸於平順，而達乎保合太和之境地。

The relationship between husband and wife is situated in the middle of the so-called five cardinal human relationships of the Confucian school to be the basis of other four relationships. The establishment of the relationship between husband and wife is owing to the marriage. The goal of marrying a wife is to get a capable and virtuous assistant to fulfill the principle of filial piety and have a son to carry on the family name. Whether the marriage is normal or not will affect the stability of a family and the social order. Hence, the Confucian school emphasizes the wedding especially. The wedding must proceed prudently in accordance with the fixed and already decided procedures. However in the past, whether a bride was accepted by the husband's family or not depended on whether the husband's father and mother met her in the ancestral shrine of the family; for the establishment of the titles of husband and wife, the external formal conditions were more important than the actual consummation of the two people. The concepts that the husband belongs to the wife, and the wife belongs to the husband, and an extra-marital affair should be avoided are the proper attitudes that both the female part and the male part should hold; therefore, the monogamy is the ideal marriage pattern of the Confucian school. The reason why people of same surname do not marry each other is fearing that it's disadvantageous for themselves and their offspring; to marry a person of a different surname can benefit each other relatively. In the family, the sister-in-law who is the wife of the one's elder brother and the one himself are of the same generation without the blood relationship. To avert that the two persons may fall in love with each other and have sex to each other because being too intimate with each other, the traditional regulation is that, these two persons shall avoid each other as much as possible, and shall not speak to each other unless necessary to maintain the ethnic order of husband to wife, and wife to husband respectively. The male can undertake a greater task or duty than the female. Hence in the family, the male is superior and the female is subordinate. Both the husband and the wife should play their own role well and shall not go beyond the limits. For the part of the husband, he should get rid of the undeserved and presumptuous greed for women completely and absolutely, and make his own conduct correct as the model for the family. For the part of the wife, she must be loyal and faithful to the husband, and be obedient to the parents-in-law. Through the legalization in Cing and Han dynasties, the ethics between husband and wife has had stricter requirements on the wife than the husband. The married women should take chastity and obedience as their virtues, which have been the common consensus of the Confucian school through the ages; in Song and Ming dynasties when the New Confusion philosophy, flourished, people still thought these demands and principles were natural and right. To have a perfect marriage is the common wish of all people. However, because of the factors of differences on age, personality, and cultivation, a couple may become a happily couple that accompany each other all their lives, or an unharmonious couple resulting in the separation. One must know that the marriage life is full of variables that can not be predicted before the marriage; we can just call it the fate, and we can only do our best to maintain it. Only by experiencing the marriage and the phase of raising children can our content of life be profuse and diversified. As long as treating oneself with prudent respect, knowing one's place, and treating the other half with sincerity, I believe all complications in the process of marriage shall become smooth finally, and the state of highest harmony can be achieved.

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