心口上的蜈蚣：「變」過去的黑色印記

Centipede on the Heart: The Black Mark "Trans" the Past

10.6512/lnp.202112_(8).0008

蔡春美(Chun-Mei Tsai)

生命經驗 ； 性別重置手術 ； 敘事研究 ； 跨性別 ； 變性 ； life experience ； sex reassignment surgery ； narrative research ； transgender ； transsexual

生命敘說與心理傳記學

8輯（2021 / 12 / 01）

223 - 254

繁體中文;英文

本文旨在敘說一位跨性別者的生活經驗與成長故事。本文以滾雪球方式進行受訪者招募，女跨男的跨性別者M同意受訪，由研究者說明研究目的與權利之後，進行生命故事敘說訪談。完成資料收集之後，研究者使用「整體－內容」的敘說分析方式，進行敘說內容的意念萃取與整理。從受訪者的敘說中：1.描繪其跨性別身分認同與外界環境的衝突掙扎，包括：性別認同經驗、家庭經驗、學校經驗、就業經驗、親密關係經驗、就醫經驗、性別重置經驗、生活經驗等面向；2.為了自身認同付出相當多的代價，在層層堆疊所處環境他人的不理解與排斥、霸凌，到荒謬二元的生活經驗中，曾憂鬱、自殘，但也一個人獨立處理變更性別的議題，靠信仰靈修、正向信念陪自己走過難關；3.跨性別者的問題不在於性別混淆，問題是跨性別者所在的性別二元處境－家庭、學校、醫療、職場，用生理性別決定他／她的生活，在擠壓之中硬是替自己撐出呼吸空間，堅持內心對自身的信念。本文亦提出對於跨性別生命故事的反思，以及對於學校性平教育、詳訂性別重置處遇規定與納入全民健保給付、研議修改身分證換證與性別欄的規定、建立友善環境的建議。

This study aims to describe a transgender person's life experience and growth story. Method: In this paper, female trans-male (FtM) transgender 'M' agreed with the interview. After the researcher explained the research purpose and his rights, we conducted a life story narrative interview. After completing the data collection, the researcher uses the "whole-content" narrative analysis method to extract and organize the narrative content. Results: from the narrative of the interviewees: 1. Described the interviewee's struggling conflicts with transgender identity and the external environment, including: gender identity experience, family experience, school experience, employment experience, intimate relationship experience, medical experience, gender reassignment experience, life experience. 2. The interviewee pay a considerable price for his self-identification, in the environment of stacking layers of others' incomprehension and rejection, bullying, and the absurd dualistic life experience, once depressed, self-mutilation, but also independently deal with the issue of gender reset by himself, and rely on spiritual devotion and positive faith to pass through the difficulties. 3. The problem of transgender people is not themselves gender confusion, the problem is the gender binary situation around them: family, school, medical treatment, and workplace, determine his life with physiological gender. Under these pressures, he still struggles a space for himself, adhere to his inner beliefs about himself. Conclusions: This article also puts forward reflections on the transgender life story, and suggestions for school gender education, detailed regulations on gender reassignment treatment and include into medical insurance, discussion and revision of the requirements for identity card renewal and gender column, and the establishment of a transgender friendly environment.

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